Holding Strong After a Storm

You're holding everything together, despite setbacks, maybe the promotion didn't go your way this year, maybe your business didn't take off as expected, perhaps your marriage came to an end or you're on the other side of a health scare. All of these things can shake you, and I mean really make you question yourself.

I've had a couple of these things happen, and once I felt the self doubt loom in my mind, I ran a million miles from it. Distracting myself in any way possible, food, scrolling, porn etc. Just so I didn't need to face any demons that may or may not be lurking inside me. An inner critic that might tell me everything I've ever done wrong if I listen to it long enough. So it was easier to never listen to that inner voice.

I found out after a while that I couldn't outrun myself. My fear was that if I sit with my challenges I'll get stuck in a hole of depression that I'll never see the end of. In reality running away from my self doubt was sending me down that hole.

Eventually I felt the pressure was too much, so I decided to sit down one evening and pick JUST ONE THING I'd like to improve about myself. Something I would actually change. Then explore that just for 5 minutes, explore what made me do that/be that way in the first place, how would it be if I changed that / didn't change that. Then to finish I picked one thing I really liked about myself, to balance out the whole equation.

What was supposed to 5mins, turned into 30minutes of me thinking about how I looked and ended with me going for a 10minute walk each morning, which I did for many weeks, and then turned into going to the gym. It went on for 30 minutes but I began to enjoy it, that’s the goal, enjoy conversations with your self.

I was terrified that if I listened to0 closely to my inner voice, I wouldn't like myself any more. Once I put guardrails on the conversation: 5minutes, only 1 improvement, followed by some gratitude, the conversation was quite pleasant. I did that again the next week, and again the next, until I could have these chats with myself a lot more regularly and I slowly removed the guardrails, now that I knew my inner voice could be controlled. Now my mind is the thing that battles the external storms, when I'm going through something tough, my inner voice is keeping me grounded and strong (most of the time).

So if you are going through something hard or just come out of it and are afraid how it's left your mental state. Don't be afraid to do this right now:

Rules of the Game:

5 minutes at least.

Pick one thing you don't like about yourself that you'd be willing to change.

Pick one thing you do like about yourself you don't want to change.

Just sit an explore those two. We fear the unknown, this process shines a light on the unknown and very often it is far less scary that we think. These are the types of challenges I help my clients with because it can often be easier to vocalize these internal thoughts with someone who is trained to hear the nuance in them.

As a man, once you face that external storm then address the inner storm, you're a man who bends life to your code, you have stronger bonds with people, a clearer head, you see a world with opportunities and not scars. 

If that sounds like the man you want to be, feel free to apply for one of my complimentary calls.

The man who has to hold everything together (and why structure feels impossible).

Some men don't just run a business. They hold it together with their bare hands.

They work 6 or 7 days a week.

Take every call.

Answer every question about money.

Carry the stress of customer issues

and still feel like they are in the bottom of a hole. 

All of this can silently bring a soul-destroying stress that means you can never really switch off.

The idea of putting structure in place sounds nice in theory, but when your day is firefighting it feels like extra work you don't have time for. Because you are just trying to make sure the day doesn't explode.

You've probably thought about adding some structure, maybe even tried a few methods, but it always feels like an extra weight and a luxury you cannot afford.

I've coached leaders with thousands in their teams and millions in their budgets, who feel the exact same way. But ultimately, the most successful of them have shifted from thinking of structure as "extra work" to the thing that stops them feeling "soul destroyed and broke". We found a structure that is the thing that protects their time, their energy and their cash flow - not some excel spreadsheet provided by HR.

One client, who was very resistant to coaching in the beginning (we nearly didn't even start) adopted the "Jump Start" method. This was to replicate how a car with a low battery just needs a jumpstart to getting it running smoothly again. This was a protected time where only 2 things could interrupt, family and business emergency. He put it in the beginning of his day, but others put it at the end, the beauty… it's only 15mins. A tiny space, given huge priority, overtime became the difference between the good and bad days.

Just this little shift, has allowed men to move from "I'm the worker who has to do it all" to "I'm the owner who leads the way." A leader who protects their time, energy and health from the constant pull chaos tends to invite. Don't get me wrong, these men were still tired at the end of the week, but not from spinning their wheels, instead making impact with the real work.

If this sounds like you, you are just the kind of man I work with. Helping hard working men shift from unstructured chaos to grounded and strong. I'd love for you to get in contact so we can explore working together. 

When Fear of Rejection freezes your business - before it even starts.

Every day you see others creating businesses that are both successful and authentic. Really living out their passions. You want that too, but you're stuck between "I want this" and "what if I'm not good enough for it?"

This fear of rejection is the very first hurdle every one of those businesses you see had the overcome. Think of it like the cost of starting. Without tackling that challenge you can't even start, not truely, and many people get stuck at that first step, and stay there forever. Shrinking themselves and playing small out of fear.

The problem isn't laziness, you've already shown you are capable, have the skills and the passion is pouring out of you. The challenge is an overactive inner critic, which is often shaped by our childhood. There are old stories we tell ourselves, that might have served us at one point, but not now.

When you think about putting the real you out into the world, whether through an instagram post, or a conversation with someone in your family. You want to tell the world about your ideas but your inner critic says "they might judge you for it, and say you're not good enough". When we let that inner voice win, and we don't get judged (because we didn't say it), that negatively reinforces the behaviour, so you're more likely to repeat it the next time you think about being honest and real.

In business, this prevents you from putting yourself forward for bigger work, you question your pricing, apologize for taking peoples time, show a version of yourself you think they want to see, rather than who you are. All of these signal a lack of confidence to potential customers, your people, who need your service, they need the real you.

We fear rejection from our tribal days when rejection from the tribe meant certain death. These days, rejection doesn't mean death, it not does even reflect us, it reflects the fit between us and them, just a wrong fit. You are still the same person before and after a possible rejection.

To overcome this, we find actions that are both scary and authentic. Maybe it's reaching out to a single person you are afraid to show the real you. Or maybe it's an authentic social media post. The goal here is, if you get rejected, to understand that it's not a reflection of your worth, it's a reflection of the fit. If you don't get rejected and it works out, that shows you how much you are leaving behind by not following your passion, you need to do it and the world needs you to.

Pick one action, right now, and make a promise to yourself to do it as soon as possible. It's okay if it's scary, you are doing it because it's scary. You're losing so much to the fear of rejection, but lucky for you, changing it is within your control.

If you recognise yourself here, this is exactly the kind of work I help men overcome, turning fear of rejection into courage and I'd love to have a conversation with you about working together.

By Not Creating an Enemy…

My "Inner Critic" was extra vocal this day. It was there on the megaphone, while also whispering in the background of my thoughts. Its focus was my ability to create the career I wanted. It was telling me all the ways my business would fail, showing me different places I should put my focus that would be "easier".

"I can't create that type of business because I am in Ireland, not America."

"I am not as good at content creation as those other coaches."

"I would have already met my yearly goals by now if this was actually going to succeed."

"Not reaching my financial goals will cause me to quit this."

"They are better than me, so I will not have what do they do."

Just some of the harsh judgements my inner monologue decided to throw my way, this day.

That was just before breakfast.

By lunch time, I was feeling sorry for myself and validating everything the inner critic was saying.

Doubling down on the doubt and disqualifying the positives.

It was only by dinner time I had realised that my inner critic was being very loud and that I was accepting  it. I found more and more reasons why the inner critic was right, whether it was how someone spoke to me or a response to a social media post.

I decided long ago I would not make an enemy of my inner critic, partially because I know its job is to try STOP me from feeling bad, by keeping me away from risks or unknowns. But also because I don't WANT an enemy in my head 24/7 - 365.

So once I became aware of the negative inner dialogue, I did a quick review of the impact of these statements. Are they helping or hindering me?

In this case, the fear of not running a successful business and not having money is real and true, but the critiques are not helpful.

Next step, reframe those statements into ones that are helpful.

"I can't create that type of business because I am in Ireland, not America."

"There are successful Irish coaches, trainers and speakers, if one person has done it, I can do it too."

"I am not as good at content creation as those other coaches."

"Some are better and some are worse, but I'm building and growing, I can't expect to skip that step. I will get to that level with effort."

"I would have already met my yearly goals by now if this was actually going to succeed."

"This business is based on people knowing who I am, that takes time, but more people know me now compared to 6 months ago."

"Not reaching my financial goals will cause me to quit this."

"I have the resources to keep building for now. If those resources run out, there are options that will allow me to continue my business, while also regaining resources."

"They are better than me, so I will not have what do they do."

"I use their success as inspiration for my own. I have a track record of success over time, this will be no different."

Just walking through that process, shifted me from comparison and doubt to self-belief and action. I started to see reasons to validate this improved way of thinking.

I saw the opportunities rather than the setbacks. The value provided rather than the missed interactions.

Then the universe threw me a bone and invited me on a podcast to share my message and grow my business.

Just a little nod to say, YES - This is the mindset that brings you forward.

In short, I try not to make an enemy out of my inner critic, my skull is too small for an enemy in there.

I acknowledge that I heard what it say, then decided to reframe the point into something more helpful.

Resources without Attention

I had an interesting realisation after my plant died last week.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my plant had died I saw it slumped over, it's petals scattered lifelessly on the countertop and all the colour drained from what was once a beautiful, bright blue orchid.

"How did that happen?!" I asked myself, "I watered it plenty".

After a post-mortem was carried out :) , I realised I had overwatered it.

The roots has rotted and I hadn't paid enough attention to see it dying over time.

I thought I was a good "plant-dad" so this took me by surprise, as looked at the lifeless pot. Throughout that day, I kept thinking about "bluey" (Yes, he had a name).I had given him everything he needed - water, sunlight - but resources weren't enough. He needed attention.

With more attention, I would have noticed I was overwatering, I would have caught the rotting roots earlier. I would have seen the colour fading from the petals and the leaves falling off.

This got me thinking: How often do we do the same thing in our relationships? We might assume that providing resources - time/money/advise - is enough, but without real attention, follow up or intentionality, or efforts can be useless, or even harmful - like this case.

As you lead in your home, career or community, I wonder, are there relationships you're already texting/calling or meeting, but your attention isn't truly with them. Are their projects your supporting in one way, but not with your focus. What would it be like if you were to give a little more "Intentional Attention" to those areas? Could it increase the impact and efficiency of what your already giving? Improving outcomes or preventing something "rotting at the roots?".

I believe this is a great strategy for you to supercharge the potency of what your already doing. You've done the hard work of giving the resources - now, a little more "Intentional Attention" could bring your influence and impact to the next level.

"Resources without attention are like throwing logs on an unwatched fire. It might burn bright, smother itself out or spark and cause chaos."

The Question that got me Coaching

I had been a few years in a role that wasn't right for me, the role wasn't inherently bad - it was just bad-fit for me.

I felt I was lacking purpose and my work wasn't lighting my fire, more than that it was draining me the longer I trudged on. But, I had spent years to get where I was. How could I throw that all away, what would I do instead? I felt stuck and trapped in indecision of my making.

One day on LinkedIn I saw a post from a senior leader in my organization showing he had qualified as a leadership coach. After doing some research into what a coach was, I hesitantly asked for a meeting with him to see if he could help - not really sold on this whole "coaching" idea if I'm completely honest with you.

Later that week I met with Mike Brennan, my first coach, who showed me the skill of coaching and the journey a couple of questions can bring you on. The most impactful question, one I didn't realize at the time would set in motion my journey as a coach, was;

"What do you want your loved ones to say about you at your funeral?"

Tactfully, followed by;

"What would they say about you if it was today?"

The question is simple - but not easy to answer honestly. I spent two weeks journaling an answer, then coming back and crossing out the parts that were not fully truthful and trying to be more honest with myself the next time around. Until I got to an answer that I could stand over. This process took me through feelings of fear, sadness, worry and more, until I eventually landed on a sense of satisfaction. This was step #1 of a multi year journey to a complete career and industry pivot, but more on that in another blog.

This question, which I have used with many clients, is perfect for successful people who have a huge amount of impact to give, folks who are willing to be of service and be there for their people. But lately, they feel they are not able to show their full potential and really excel.

This reflection can support you in becoming unstuck and give clarity on your next step. It doesn't have to be the best step (it probably won't be) but a mediocre step that can be improved over time is better than no step at all. This strategy helps you get clearer on the type of man or woman you want to be. Then design your life around that vision. Architect a career that enables you to be that person, create a community that supports you. Use that vision as a north star for your decisions.

It doesn't mean it's an easy journey, mine took years and required plenty of sacrifice, But I was already sacrificing by staying in a career that drained me. Why not sacrifice for something truly meaningful.

As Jordan Peterson says, "You should be afraid of taking risks and pursuing something meaningful, but you should be more afraid of staying where you are if it's making you miserable."

Whether you think you can or you can't - you're right.

Last year, I worked with a client who said: "I don't know if I deserve a seat at the table..."

As I prepare to give a talk next week on transforming your inner voice, I'm reminded of a challenge many high-achieving, influential, capable leaders face. Despite their overwhelming success, they begin to listen to their inner critic more often. Nobody else notices, but they do.

In this client’s case, we reframed their self-talk into something TRUE and HELPFUL: "𝘐 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦."

Once they saw themselves differently, they realized the only barrier to the table was themselves. The seat had always been there. Once that barrier was gone, a new confidence was unleashed.

𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐢𝐭.


💭We don't behave like who we are. We behave like who we BELIEVE we are. So, what do you believe about yourself?

The Happiness of your Life is Determined by the Quality of your Thoughts.

This one holds special meaning for me—I feel so strongly about it that I have it tattooed on my chest!

As many of you know, I coach GREAT leaders—pillars of their communities, leaders in their organizations, and loving parents, children and partners. But even these incredible individuals sometimes face moments of doubt...
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙𝘠𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘵𝘰 𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙𝘠𝘖𝘕𝘌 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩.

Recently, I worked with a young man who was, by all accounts, a true leader—dependable, trustworthy, hardworking, and guided by a strong moral compass. Yet, he doubted himself, feeling his goals were too high for "someone like me."

Together, we reclaimed his confidence by redefining what being "A GREAT MAN" meant for him. A strategy we used was Self Talk Analysis:

1️⃣ Awareness: Spotting harsh self-talk that he’d never use speaking with others.
2️⃣ Reflection: Writing down these criticisms daily to reveal patterns and raise awareness.
3️⃣ Replacement: Replacing judgments with statements that were both ACCURATE and HELPFUL.

In just two weeks, his mindset shifted dramatically. His newfound confidence allowed him to take risks and pursue goals he’d been putting off for years.

𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨𝐨.

𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢 𝘎𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘛 LEADER 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘎𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘛 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮—𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱!

You teach others how to treat you

Are you setting the right tone for how others treat you?

As a former software engineer, I discovered that boundaries are as crucial for building human relationships as creating software security.

🧠Emotional boundaries can be hard to navigate, yet sit silently in every interaction. Each of us has boundaries, and since much of our career is influenced by interpersonal relationships, being aware of boundaries, both ours and others', is pivotal

In my past, if someone interrupted me in a meeting, I wouldn't address it; instead, I would respond by withdrawing, inadvertently teaching them that behaviour is okay with me. But what if I had addressed this?

1) 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐲: how do I want to be treated?
2) 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲: To enhance the relationship, not to hurt it.

💭 "𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨s, 𝘐'𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘴𝘰". Firm, but not aggressive.

❗REMEMBER❗this isn't about blaming, it's about building better relationships.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

to get what you’ve never had, you must do what you’ve never done

Are you trying to grow from within your comfort zone?

I was, when I set up my own coaching business a couple of years ago. The idea of marketing and selling terrified me. So, I clung to the hope that client referrals would suffice. Reality hit hard, and the business wasn't meeting my expectations.

💭 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘮𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦.

We are all human, striving for improvement. How often do we find ourselves repeating the same thoughts, habits, and actions, expecting to get different results? 𝑳𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅, 𝒃𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒑𝒔.

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘻𝘰𝘯𝘦? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦? You got this!

Your perspective can either be your prison or your power

Have you ever felt like your perspective was holding you back? For me, It was during a meeting where another participant shot down every idea I brought. My immediate reaction was,

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴; 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵?"

This mindset, while understandable, was limiting me. On reflection, I realized a more empowering reframe would be to think,

"𝘞𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘦𝘥; 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦," or "𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘶𝘮."

These perspectives transform barriers into stepping stones.

This experience reminded me that our mindset is the single aspect of life over which we have complete control. It speaks to the notion that we can choose our responses to life's situations, whether it's a career setback, relationship breakdown, or health scare.

Life isn't black and white; it's a spectrum of perspectives filled with nuances. We strive to adopt the more beneficial ones. By perceiving external events as neutral and recognizing that it is our impression that adds a positive or negative spin, we can ignite positive emotions and actions that lead to success.

💭 What perspectives have you held that felt like a prison?

You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails

Last year I saw some frustration with the phrase "We're all in the same boat" because… we're not. We all have different experiences, backgrounds, and life situations. I heard someone suggest a better phrase: "We are all in different boats in the same storm." This resonates with me more as it speaks to the differences in how these changes affect us. When we think of it in terms of the quote of the week, it reflects not only the impact of these changes on us but also the varied ways that we can respond.

Our sails are in our control, but the wind isn't. The wind is blowing pretty hard for some, and it might continue to blow strongly for a while. You might even feel close to capsizing, and that is difficult. One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things. In speaking with folks during times of change, I hear the anger, sadness, and worry; they are all understandable emotions. Emotions which I am also feeling.

As we work through those emotions and let ourselves feel what we need to feel, then we can begin to ask ourselves, "How would I like to adjust my sails in this storm?"

Which Wolf survives in your mind?

This week I thought a lot about an old story. It begins by imagining there are two wolves battling in your mind. One, the "Lone Wolf", thinks in terms of scarcity, fears the unknown, refuses to show vulnerability or seek help. The other, the "Leader of the Pack", thrives on the growth in challenges, strives for progress not perfection, embraces collaboration over confrontation. Now the questions stands, which wolf survives in your mind? The answer is simple but impactful, it’s the wolf you feed. The one you give energy to daily.

Our thoughts and behaviours are carved by our attention. If we focus on growth and collaboration, over time, they will appear on our path. Where your mind spends its time is where you will spend yours. We can be aware of our fears and weaknesses without letting them negatively drive our behaviours. The key is awareness. I recently realized I spent too much time feeding the wrong wolf, then I became aware. Now, I pose the question to you, "Which wolf are you feeding?". Alternatively, if a different metaphor resonates with you, consider "which seed are you watering in the garden of your mind?".