Holding Strong After a Storm

You're holding everything together, despite setbacks, maybe the promotion didn't go your way this year, maybe your business didn't take off as expected, perhaps your marriage came to an end or you're on the other side of a health scare. All of these things can shake you, and I mean really make you question yourself.

I've had a couple of these things happen, and once I felt the self doubt loom in my mind, I ran a million miles from it. Distracting myself in any way possible, food, scrolling, porn etc. Just so I didn't need to face any demons that may or may not be lurking inside me. An inner critic that might tell me everything I've ever done wrong if I listen to it long enough. So it was easier to never listen to that inner voice.

I found out after a while that I couldn't outrun myself. My fear was that if I sit with my challenges I'll get stuck in a hole of depression that I'll never see the end of. In reality running away from my self doubt was sending me down that hole.

Eventually I felt the pressure was too much, so I decided to sit down one evening and pick JUST ONE THING I'd like to improve about myself. Something I would actually change. Then explore that just for 5 minutes, explore what made me do that/be that way in the first place, how would it be if I changed that / didn't change that. Then to finish I picked one thing I really liked about myself, to balance out the whole equation.

What was supposed to 5mins, turned into 30minutes of me thinking about how I looked and ended with me going for a 10minute walk each morning, which I did for many weeks, and then turned into going to the gym. It went on for 30 minutes but I began to enjoy it, that’s the goal, enjoy conversations with your self.

I was terrified that if I listened to0 closely to my inner voice, I wouldn't like myself any more. Once I put guardrails on the conversation: 5minutes, only 1 improvement, followed by some gratitude, the conversation was quite pleasant. I did that again the next week, and again the next, until I could have these chats with myself a lot more regularly and I slowly removed the guardrails, now that I knew my inner voice could be controlled. Now my mind is the thing that battles the external storms, when I'm going through something tough, my inner voice is keeping me grounded and strong (most of the time).

So if you are going through something hard or just come out of it and are afraid how it's left your mental state. Don't be afraid to do this right now:

Rules of the Game:

5 minutes at least.

Pick one thing you don't like about yourself that you'd be willing to change.

Pick one thing you do like about yourself you don't want to change.

Just sit an explore those two. We fear the unknown, this process shines a light on the unknown and very often it is far less scary that we think. These are the types of challenges I help my clients with because it can often be easier to vocalize these internal thoughts with someone who is trained to hear the nuance in them.

As a man, once you face that external storm then address the inner storm, you're a man who bends life to your code, you have stronger bonds with people, a clearer head, you see a world with opportunities and not scars. 

If that sounds like the man you want to be, feel free to apply for one of my complimentary calls.